On motherhood, walking dogs and courage to let go

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motherhood and dog walkingI hike with my dogs in a wonderful wooded park near my house. Well, I wouldn’t really call it hiking. Its more like four dogs dragging me up and down narrow trails because I refuse to let go of their leashes. I stubbornly refuse to let go of their leashes.

If I’m not holding on to their leashes all kinds of terrible things could happen to them. That eagle who nests across the street could show up and snatch one of them, or a hawk could grab one of them, or a wild coyote could grab one of them, or some terrible big dog, or a freaked out goose, or maybe that mean looking swan, or some kind of MONSTER could just come and snatch one of them…….

A good dog owner doesn’t let go of the leash (I self-importantly tell myself).

Bullshit.

I’m AFRAID to let go of the leash.

Ugh…I’m doing it again.

Its a lot like all of the things I worried about happening to Alex. Anything could happen to him and he would be snatched away from me if I didn’t hold him oh so tightly. Any number of horrible monsters could appear if I didn’t manage every detail. I never could find the courage to “let go of the leash” with Alex. He finally cut it so I had to let go of him. I left him absolutely no choice.

And everything was okay. It wasn’t at first, but it was eventually.

Its not easy learning how to let go of the leash. Sigh…

I love you Alex LaBue. Thanks for cutting the leash and teaching me to be brave.

 

 

 

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