Why I hate this picture



I hate this picture of me.

I *should* love it. It’s me teaching my first yoga class – which was the culmination of a summer’s worth of really hard work. I can sort of see that I’m smiling in the picture – I was having fun! I’m clearly talking with my hands – which tells me I was in my expressive state of peace. I remember what a high it was to be guiding that class.

And yet I hate this picture.

I can’t look at this picture and deny anymore that I’m carrying around an extra 25 pounds. I just can’t. I can keep on lying to myself and believe I’m achy and tired all the time because I’m anemic, or not getting enough rest, or not sleeping well, or, or, or….

OR…I can accept the fact that my skeleton is used to carrying about 130lbs, and for the last year I’ve asked it just about every week to carry just a little bit more for me. No wonder my body hurts. No wonder I’m tired.

***sigh*** It’s time to get serious about taking care of myself.

My incredibly energetic and wonderful neighbors across the street are fitness professionals (seriously – they’re like Stepford nice and beautiful). They’re going to help me on this journey to reclaim my body. The journey began yesterday with my first day of sugar-free, junk-free, responsible eating and exercise.

The journey gets pretty effing real today when I push “publish” on this post and commit to sharing the journey 🙂

Lots of people share their journeys with before and after pictures. I’m going to share this journey with gratitude  – not pictures.

Today I’m grateful for courage. Today I’m a braveheart. Today I push publish and put it all out there – the whole messy, crying, doughy, over-eating, sugar-binging, comfort-seeking, self-deprecating, scared, lonely, insecure, hot mess of a 51-year-old curvy girl’s journey to reclaim her healthy body.

Wish me luck.



6 thoughts on “Why I hate this picture

  1. Rena, you’re beautiful. Your vulnerability is strength. You are inspiring to any of us trying to give up bad habits and seek comfort in any wrong places. I’m rooting for you, knowing you are capable of doing anything in the world that you wish. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Julia Khoury

    Girl fried…I got you!!!
    I have been a curvy girl my entire life… Still am in fact. But losing this 87lbs. Since labor day of 2015… Has been the most incredible journey of my lifetime! Which I am still on. I have about another 35-40lbs. To go… And your and I can do this!!! Hell Yessssss!
    We are not losing weight, we are releasing it so that we never find it again!
    Whatever you need I am a phone call, text, Facebook post or messenger note away!
    I Got You… And YOU have got yourself!
    Love you and so grateful for you!!!💗

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gloria

    You can do it. I’ve been toying with taking better care of my pudgy self. It will mean no more comfort food, which is scary. I wish you luck and hope to join you soon.


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